The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex carries immense significance and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great also).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and wellness .

But when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They probably would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that many of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly browse around here in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Lots of gay men want to learn from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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