The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the Mind

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love carries tremendous meaning and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, nearness, and well-being .

When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, numerous gay men desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time try these out if the sex isn't going to be good?".

North includes, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.". Continued
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in click to read a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow gradually.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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