The Intimacy Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and effects.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).

B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to very tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .

However when issues develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical this link compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay guys desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

North includes, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a try this out provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!

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